Somewhere Between the Cats and the Kids, There is Me.February 21, 2018 | Leave your thoughts
Silence. A sound so rare these days. Although it’s not technically silence because the sounds of “vacuum cleaner” are permeating through the house in my great attempt to keep both of my babies asleep at the exact same time. And in the silence where do, I find myself? Being a mom is an interesting thing. When silence comes, its as if we have no idea what to do with ourselves. Do I clean the whole house? Do I sit and read? Do I catch up on my Netflix shows? Or Do I stare at my babies as they sleep just waiting for them to wake up? You may be thinking to yourself, yeah right..definitely not the last one. But let’s be real, we’ve all done it…more than once.
Currently, in this particular silence, my thoughts carried me here. Becoming a mom is one of my greatest treasures, but it isn’t my greatest treasure. That’s Jesus. Mama, is not my identity, it is just a part of who I am. A part that I can so easily lose myself in. But my real identity is found in Jesus and only Jesus. And although my love for my children is like no other love I have felt before, and I could easily waste the day away (although I don’t know that I would call it wasting) watching them sleep, it has occurred to me that somewhere in between the mess, the snuggles, the cats, and the dried food on the floor; there is me.
Who is me? Here in this silence, that’s what I am searching for. I am digging deep within my soul and searching the depths of my heart to ask God where he is taking me. Not my husband. Not my kids. Me. Just me. Because ultimately we are called for something. Something greater. Something bigger. Something that only we can be called for. Among the moming, we are called. Because a day will come when the kids will fly out of the nest. When they will become less dependent on me and more dependent on themselves. So where does this leave me?
This leaves me with more. More love. More joy. More purpose. This leaves me with knowing that I don’t have to just be a mom. I am also allowed to be Paige. Paige loves to write. Paige loves to cook. Paige loves to kick butt in Krav Maga. Paige loves to preach. Paige loves to dance. Paige loves to sit and chat over a cup of coffee with her friends. Jesus wants Paige to be Paige. He wants me to be exactly who he created me to be: a daughter, a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend, a disciple-maker, a lover, a writer…and so much more. What is it that God has created you for? To my Mamas, and those of you who are not, I challenge you to dig deep within and ask yourself where your identity lies. It is time we start living the lives we were created to live. Even if we are tired, even if we want to give up, even if we don’t see how it will work. God will make a way, he will give you the energy, he will part the sea for you as he did for the Israelites. Just open your eyes and see. It is a beautiful sight indeed.
And just like that, my silence has now turned into the cries of my son. My time here is up, sending lots of love your way. Walk in fullness today, and every day.